Have you ever noticed how quickly an emotion can take over your entire being? One moment you’re fine, and the next, you are angry. You are sad. You are anxious. The feeling becomes your whole identity, consuming every thought, flooding your body with sensation.

But what if there was a way to create just enough space between you and your emotions to hear what they’re trying to tell you?

A Simple Shift That Changes Everything

I want to share a practice that has transformed how I move through my emotional landscape. It’s deceptively simple, and profoundly powerful.

Instead of saying “I am angry,” try saying, “There is anger.”

Instead of “I am sad,” notice, “There is sadness.”

This small linguistic shift creates something remarkable: psychic space. Just enough distance to witness the emotion clearly, rather than being consumed by it. When you say “I am angry,” you own that feeling completely—it becomes your identity in that moment. When you say “There is anger,” you’re simply acknowledging that anger is present. You’re the observer, not the emotion itself.

And from that place of gentle observation, you can ask the most important question: “Why is this emotion here? What message does it have for me?”

Understanding Your Anger Triggers

For years, when I felt angry, I got swept up in it—the heat, the tension, the cascade of adrenaline and cortisol flooding my system. As someone who isn’t generally angry, that hormonal rush always left me feeling depleted and shaken.

Then I started practicing this simple observation. Every time I noticed anger, I would pause and ask myself: “What’s happening RIGHT NOW that triggered this?”

Over time, a pattern emerged. I discovered that I only got angry in two specific situations: when someone violated one of my core values or when they crowded my personal space. That’s it—just those two triggers.

This awareness changed everything. Now, when I feel anger arising, I don’t get swept into the storm. Instead, I simply look for the violation and address it directly. I cut off the worst of the feeling before it becomes a full physiological cascade. I protect my energy instead of depleting it.

The anger is still a messenger—and a valuable one—but now I can receive its message quickly and take action without being overwhelmed.

The Achilles Heel

I’ve also used this technique with grief, which is my personal Achilles heel. Grief has been a constant companion throughout my life, and for many years, I would slide into its depths without understanding why or how to navigate it.

In Chapter Eighteen of my book The Peace of Mind Blueprint, I share a story about a particular sadness that would come and go for reasons I couldn’t decipher. I had tried ignoring it, befriending it, arguing with it, and wishing it away. What I had never done was ask it directly why it was there.

Using self-hypnosis and this observational approach, I finally asked: “Why are you here?”

The answer surprised me. This wasn’t grief over loss, though I had confused it with that for years. This sadness was a numbness buster—a signal that I had disconnected from myself, that I had “exited stage left” in a painful environment. The sadness was letting me know I needed to take care of myself in a safer space so I could feel whole again.

Now, when I notice “There is sadness,” I can ask what it’s telling me. Is this grief that needs to be honored? Is this disconnection that needs reconnection? Once I understand the message, I can respond wisely rather than getting lost in despair.

It’s better to observe early and determine the message than to slide into the depths without understanding why.

But Wait—There’s Joy Too

Here’s what makes this practice truly transformative: it works with positive emotions too.

When you notice “There is joy!” you create that same observational space. But now, instead of protecting yourself from depletion, you’re amplifying what feeds you.

From that place of gentle awareness, you can ask: “What just sparked this joy? What am I doing, seeing, experiencing right now that brought this aliveness?”

Once you identify your joy-triggers, you can consciously seek them out more often. You can bask in them. And the more you bask in joy, the more joy comes to you.

This works with excitement, inspiration, humor, delight—all the emotions you want more of in your life. The practice allows you to be a conscious co-creator of your emotional landscape rather than a passive recipient.

The Gift of Presence

What this technique ultimately offers is presence: full, aware presence with all of life.

You’re not trying to be emotionless or “above it all.” You’re not suppressing or denying what you feel. You’re simply creating enough space to be with your emotions wisely, to receive their messages, and to respond with intention.

When difficult emotions arise, you can:

• Detect them early
• Understand their message
• Address the actual need
• Prevent unnecessary depletion

When positive emotions arise, you can:

• Notice what sparked them
• Consciously cultivate more
• Bask and amplify
• Build a life rich with what truly feeds you

The result is a life where you resolve troubles quickly and savor the good deeply. One where emotions become allies and teachers, rather than forces that sweep you away. Where you maintain your peace of mind not by avoiding feelings, but by listening to them.

Your Invitation

I invite you to try this simple practice today. The next time an emotion arises—any emotion—notice it with gentle curiosity:

“There is anger.” “There is sadness.” “There is joy.” “There is excitement.”

Create that small space between you and the feeling. From that space, ask: “What message does this have for me? What is happening right now?”

Track what you discover. Notice patterns over time. Let your emotions become the wise messengers they were always meant to be.

If you find yourself wanting support in this practice, or if you discover emotions with messages that feel tangled or confusing, I invite you to fill out my intake form.

My psycho-spiritual hypnotherapy sessions offer a gentle space to explore these inner conversations more deeply. Through techniques like parts work, we can communicate directly with different aspects of yourself and receive the clarity you’re seeking.

Your emotions aren’t the enemy. They’re not problems to be solved or suppressed. They’re messengers, and they have wisdom to share—if you create the space to listen.