Have you ever accomplished something meaningful – something you worked hard for, took a risk on, poured yourself into – and then felt… nothing? Or worse, felt exhausted and down afterward, wondering what’s wrong with you?
The thief of joy takes up residence in many places. But when that thief lives inside us, when WE steal our own joy, it’s particularly insidious. It happens so subtly we barely notice. And then we wonder why we feel bad.
Tuesday Night Soul Sessions
For instance, not long ago, I dreamed Tuesday Soul Sessions into being, a monthly hypnosis group for self-discovery and fun. Last week was our first meeting, and it was glorious! It was everything I wanted it to be. I took five beautiful souls on a hypnotic journey to meet their Spirit Animal, and every person had a vivid, transformative experience.
They met eagles, grizzly bears with cubs, a large female wolf, a brown bear, and a winged horse named Song. One woman got to roar alongside her bear!
When we gathered afterward to share, their faces were full of wonder and surprise. This was what I’d hoped for – transformation, connection, sacred experience, and community. I loved every minute of it. And then… it was over, and I immediately slipped back into task management. Edit the recording. Send it to everyone who attended. Send it to the person who couldn’t make it. Check that off the list. Done. I went to bed that night having completed everything efficiently.
The next morning, I woke up exhausted, heavy, kind of down. And I couldn’t figure out why. I’d expected to wake up feeling GOOD, I’d just successfully led my first group! People loved it. It was everything I wanted it to be. But instead of feeling happy and excited, I was dragging through my day, unable to shake this strange discontent.
Finally, I stopped and asked myself: What’s happening? What led up to this feeling?
And that’s when I saw it.
I had accomplished something meaningful. I had taken a risk, shown up fully, and guided five willing souls through a profound experience. I LOVED the sharing circle, especially watching each person’s face light up as they described their sacred guides. And I had given myself zero time to actually feel any of that. I’d stolen my own joy.
This is such a common pattern, especially for sensitives and empaths who’ve learned to keep moving, keep producing, keep proving their worth. We hit a milestone and immediately ask: What’s next? We succeed and think, “Okay, but what about the dishes/emails/next deadline?”
We rob ourselves of the very thing that makes all the effort worthwhile: the experience of success itself.
Five Steps to Reclaim Your Joy
Here’s what I learned – and what I’m practicing now:
1. Notice that you feel bad
This seems obvious, but how often do we just push through exhaustion or discontent without pausing to actually notice it? Stop. Feel what you’re feeling. Name it: “I feel exhausted. I feel down. I feel strangely empty.”
2. Reflect on what led up to it
Ask yourself: What happened before this feeling appeared? Why am I feeling this now? What am I responding to?
3. Realize you skipped the basking step
This is the moment of recognition: “Oh. I did something meaningful and never let myself feel good about it. I went straight from accomplishment to the next task. I stole my own joy.”
4. Give yourself intentional time to bask
This is the practice. This is the medicine. And everyone does it differently. Here are some possibilities:
- Sit quietly, eyes closed, and replay the best moments. Really relive them. Feel them again.
- Journal about what went well. Write down the highlights, the moments that made you smile, the victories.
- Call a friend and share your success. Let yourself sound excited. Let yourself bask in public.
- Take a walk and let yourself feel proud. Say it out loud if no one’s around: “I did that. That was good.”
5. Rest in gratitude
Allow yourself to feel grateful for the accomplishment, for taking time to truly feel your joy, for honoring your success. This gratitude deepens the experience and sends a clear message: “I’m ready for more.”
The important thing is to bask in whatever way feels right to YOU. Don’t just think about it – actually immerse yourself in the joy of what you accomplished.
Why This Matters
Basking is essential communication with yourself and the universe.
When you intentionally savor a success, you’re telling your subconscious mind: “I loved this! I want more of this!” And once your subconscious knows that, it actively looks for opportunities to create similar experiences. You’re also sending a signal to the universe, to cosmic intelligence, to Spirit: “This is what lights me up. Guide me toward more of this.”
You’re programming yourself for joy. For success. For more of what matters. This is worth your time if you want more success and joy!
This pattern doesn’t just show up with big accomplishments. It’s in the small victories, too. You cook a great meal, really put love and attention into it, and then, as soon as it’s over, you start doing the dishes without pausing to actually ENJOY what you created. Or perhaps you finally stand up to that annoying bully at work, saying clearly and firmly what’s not acceptable. And then you just… go back to your computer. Back to work.
But wait, shutting down a bully is HUGE. That took courage. That was a victory. Own it. Enjoy it. Let yourself feel the power of that moment before moving on.
An Invitation
So here’s my invitation to you: Stay aware this week.
When you accomplish something – large or small – notice what you do next. Do you pause and bask? Or do you immediately move to the next task?
And if you catch yourself stealing your own joy, stop. Take even two minutes to close your eyes and really FEEL the success. Let it land in your body. Let yourself be proud and happy.
You’ve earned it. And your subconscious is listening.
If you recognize yourself in this essay and would like a guide to help you along your journey to reclaiming your joy and freedom, I invite you to fill out my intake form.